My mom has taught me a lot of wonderful and important things about how to live a good life as a good person, how to love people and how to be loved. These are not really those things.
- The Rolling Stones > The Beatles
- Real hot chocolate contains milk.
- So, for that matter, does real mac & cheese.
- A little lipstick goes a long way.
- It is possible to scold a small child and laugh at them at the same time.
- The car doesn’t move until your seatbelt is on.
- Dropped, smushed, or otherwise unpretty cakes taste better, anyway.
- A 20 minute drive can be done in 7 minutes, if you believe.
- Today’s leftovers are tomorrow’s stir fry.
- If you make ham, they will come.
- Movies (and movie popcorn) are better after midnight.
- So is Christmas mass.
- Paying full price is never an option.
- Paying to have your jewelry cleaned is silly. Windex it.
- Crayola markers are water soluble.
- You still shouldn’t use them on your face.
- Butter makes everything better.
IfWhen your Christmas tree is still up in March, put Easter eggs on it.
- When you read a kid a book, you must do the characters’ voices.
- Open your own beers at parties.
- All coffee is acceptable coffee.
- Your mom knows when you’re lying.
- Showing up in the sixth inning is good luck.
- But listen to the first five innings on the radio en route.
- Ice cream is a food group.
- Frozen peas should be eaten frozen.
- Boys who don’t clear their plate shouldn’t be invited back to dinner.
- All parties are open houses if you play an instrument.
- Everything can go in the dishwasher.
- Everything can go in the washing machine.
- Everything can go in the dryer.
- Ruined pans, dresses and sweaters are collateral damage. Move on.
- A junk drawer (or two) is fine as long as it still closes.
- There are more important things in life than vacuuming.
- But also, you have to use a real mop sometimes. A Swiffer is not enough.
- If you feel like something isn’t right, it isn’t right. Trust your gut. Call your mom.
- Say, “I love you.” Easily, loudly, and often.
Me and my sister (who helped out with this list) are still learning from you all the time. Love you, mom. Happy birthday.